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What Every Target of Workplace Bullying Needs to Know
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The Answer To Dealing With A Bully

by Anonymous
(NJ)

I thank you for this opportunity to share a bit about some rough experiences I had in three separate working environments.

Up 'til 1993; work was...'work' / I came, I did, I went home to come again and do again. A nice daily routine. It took a while...but I have discovered 'the reason' bullying happens and that's what I want to share. I hope you will allow me to speak of 'the spirit' of life. Yes, God.

Why it is that even if we are being a good worker in the job hired for -- things don't go smooth? Why are there difficult people? It's not management per se and it's not 'the co worker person' (before I say 'the word' that is responsible; let me give the spirit 'cure' found in that good book; the Bible.) The answer is:

Set your mind on the things that are above, not on the things that are upon the earth.*found in Matthew I believe.

We were warned by God, in flesh (for you who understand) "in this world you will have trials and tribulations; fear not I have overcome the world." "if they hated me, He said, they will hate you." "If we belonged to the world the world would love us; but we do not belong to the world."

There's two views to living: earthly view or looking up at what is above. Where one's heart is, that is what we treasure. 'THE WORLD' wants the power, prestige and $$ and praise of mankind (short term gains really) Those looking to what is above where they are at present is looking towards...heaven. (on earth and eternal life) For the long view; we can endure anything if need be and even make this cross we endure; a good. Accept the cross of a 'broken' 'sin filled' world and use the time spent with some who live contrary to the golden rule to our benefit. Show them our love; which they need. By love, I mean our patience, our endurance of them, teach them a better way as needed. Show them the God way to attain. Put on /GOD; Christ (I hope this stays up; even if religious)

As long as we do not point at 'imperfection', a company will keep us. The world hates correction. Folks who are God knowing (humble) accept correction. We show our spirit 'in action.' He who came not to condemn but save by love (showing them concern; guiding them)

Offer up suffering and struggles with difficult people for the Strength of God, in flesh and greater faith in good. Offer up the struggles we go thru to God (silently) for a specific intention. Make the work day redemptive for our souls. Carry our cross with great faith and not a whimper.

Remember, the earthly view works for the short term gain of a paycheck. For this; THEY ARE THE WORLD; they are insecure. They get nervous when 'new' comes in with them. The look at what is above crowd has an eye toward heaven. Goals for the long term. If we take a job because we need to gain experience; realize we are being placed right within THE WORLD (trials and tribulations shall come; especially when a firm sets no standards for all and there is little procedural ways 'written in stone' and the work is sparse to do. Computers, automation and outsourcing)

Realize we will come up against those who will hate us 'out of fear' of losing all that they have /in some way; it may be necessary to assure them their value (build them up) I am shy; and get tongue tied and yes, I do value experience but also get intimidated by experience; and simply have looked for 'they' to make the first good word move towards me. It is permissible when new to say to someone who is colleague with a title that we took the job in the hope we would learn much about ... whatever; this might reassure the insecure one that their job is safe; tell them of our intent. SPEAK first, don't be shy and intimidated. Bullies 'can pick up that fear scent fast.'

Another -- look at what is above way of avoiding a bully atmosphere is to 'not' take work of a general work nature.

Choose a vocational trade that is unique with your abilities that not many can do. Auto mechanic, hairdresser, Xray technician, Pharmacy technician, illustrator, etc. The security is in the gift one has and can do. An auto care place; seldom wants to terminate someone who knows fixing cars and gets to know the customers (who look specifically for this person) Same with a dental technician; the customers like consistency and so 'once hired' HIRED. (one job function; one person) If working within a general office doing general office work, 'at the first slowdown of economics' 'the bottom line' of business will be ousting' / In times such as we have today, Where general work is very little; the insecure 'world' will do anything to 'get rid of all competition to them.'

This is what I learned about 'the world' and 'why we have bullying.'

Folks lack faith in the God who will take care of them always and so with that and less understanding of morals; do to others as we wish it done to self - is simply NOT THERE.

Comments for The Answer To Dealing With A Bully

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Reply to Answer to Dealing with a Bully
by: Anonymous

I find your comments interesting. I certainly agree that there is a God and it is from Him that all things have arisen and to Him at the end that we must answer. However, whilst religion does give comfort to those who believe in it, Bullying is against the moral code set down in the Bible and in our laws.

We do not have to put up with bullying. It is difficult to understand the motivations of a bully and those bystanders who by their silence allow it to continue. The damage done to the victim is beyond description. Certainly in my humble opinion, the comments posted on this site by many individuals who have experienced it, I am fairly sure, do not adequately convey the pain and suffering they and their loved ones have experienced.

If the workplace does not carry through on its procedures to counsel and or discipline the Bully, and also to comply with law, then the Victim has the right to resort to what is available to them here on Earth, to deal with the Bully and the sequalae of the bullying, victimisation and harrassment. To say, that we should look above for answers and guidance is only part of the solution and that is only for those who have that belief.

I respect anybody's right to believe in God, but God gave us the ability to think for ourselves. The answer is what is appropriate for the Victim that does not breach morality and the law - whether that involves seeking solace in religion and or the resources here on Earth is something that the Victim will choose. Unfortunately for some Victims, the pain is too great and they take their lives. That is a tragedy. Nobody has the right to make someone feel so bad that they take their lives.

We all have a responsibility to each other and we should all speak up when we see bullying, victimisation and harassment in any form. 'Do Unto Others as You Would Have Them Do Unto You' is something we should all observe and not pay lip service to.
response to comment
by: Anonymous

I respect your thoughts. However, you might need to reflect further on my message. I surely would love for it to be a perfect God respecting world, where God is honored. At work or at play.

The answer is spiritual. We who know right actions of God and wrong actions toward God will never in an of ourselves get anyone to see this in our words or our ranting back at them. Yes indeed; management should set an overall standard of expectations to all. But that is not the 'norm' in our morally subjective world where nothing is wrong; except those who point at wrong. In a do your own thing world, no one is wrong; except those who say this is wrong. We can't 'say it' / but we who know can show THE
WAY we do attain rightly.

Say this sentence over and over: We are on this earth to know God, love God and Serve God. And, biblically we have an example of how to do that by the one who came to show us how.

Don't get the message wrong, we don't condone wrong behaviors in anyone. (SINS) (such should be the work of go(o)d management but it's not) But if external authority sets not 'the objective law' in a workplace - we have the authority in us to 'act on what we know'-- ie:'to show.' Whatever they do; show them THE WAY better. This means if we need to stay in a job for a living; then endure we must (it will make us stronger spiritually then any perfect workplace; it will grow our virtues) Set sights on THE GOOD of that job; save for our future, educate ourselves at night; for the time we can move on with God's blessings, do as told and don't take the bully's words to heart. He is the angry one and it's not because of anything we did--if we are acting rightly! Show him or her as much kindness when in their presence and or stay as clear of them as possible. THIS is 'the cross' of living in a world that does not know God. Our aim is to pray for those who don't know Him that God will change them (more than likely, I probably won't see the change because I will have moved on by that time)

The answer is not 'sue 'em' and get money, Money in the short term will not make it objectively better. The answer is not get revenge; for ourselves, but to leave justice to God as we live God and hopefully help others see Him 'in us.' In this world we will be tested on 'our faith in Go(o)d and Love; not the size of our bank account. Where your heart is; there is your treasure.

It is not easy. (but the rewards some day; oh yes heavenly!)

Read and pray about my words as you read His words.
Further Response to The Answer to Dealing with a Bully
by: Anonymous

I respect your view, but we will have to disagree. I do not believe that the answer is to turn the other cheek continuously, until we are so ill we cannot function at all. God gave us brains and the ability to choose for ourselves.

Victims should not have to choose whether to stay silent and endure further torment. I say to all Victims, you have the right to stand up for yourself, but the way you do this is important. Do it in a professional manner and maintain your dignity. Give God his due and certainly worship Him, if you have that belief, but you can also stand up for yourself and seek support.

The Bully is the one with the problem, but his or her problem is affecting the Victim. Try all peaceful methods first and if they do not succeed, then you have options and one of them is to seek redress within the organisation, the other is to seek redress through the courts. Yet another option is to leave that workplace for a new one.

Surround yourself with people who support you and do what you think is right.

If religion assists you, then seek solace in it. If not, the golden words 'Do Unto Others as you would have them Do Unto You' (If you want a friend, be a friend') are still relevant today.

I wish every Victim all the best.
to further response
by: Anonymous

Turning the other cheek doesn't mean giving in to those who want to make us subservient. It's a lengthy explanation so let me give the website that explains it's origins.

http://churchmousec.wordpress.com/2011/01/28/apologetics-corner-turn-the-other-cheek/

In line with what is on this website; I agree with you; stand up for yourself with dignity.

Seek all peaceful means first. Agree and a biblical truth; "if your brother does wrong, go in private to him and tell him his fault, if he listens you won your brother over.' You are correct, if your 'brother' doesn't listen to you (ie: doesn't change his ways and you are not able to work in the manner you were hired to work; by all means elevate to a higher authority. Leave our personal stuff of your co-worker and only address how certain ways make it difficult to achieve the company objectives. Facts only, not personal. As is written over and over; 'date' 'time' 'place' of difficulty, any others there at the time, what and how it came to be, what you did what 'bully' did. / don't elevate til this record is in hand. And have solutions for management in nice way; that says
"you are speaking this not to be vindictive but to help company productivity." Be aware the risk of elevation (they don't have to agree with you)

So, I agree, before getting to that point, if at all possible; have that 'other job option' lined up - ready to take. (don't let anyone know you have this card up your sleeve) Even a part time
job. With that in hand you can speak confidently.

Do to others as we want done to us; is the spiritual concept I advocate. That means; we communicate our need for supportive workplace as we give support.

Sometimes we land in a bad place. Court intervention only fans the flames of making an enemy (as you state: if you want a friend make a friend) Do not take an employer to court because, in some way 'it will get around the business community.' You will never find work

Leave always on good and friendly terms. (Someday; they might ask you back)

Doing such lives up to our faith in God (that good begets good) A new job will come again, and that's all we want.

THAT is to turn the other cheek. We didn't cower to the bully but spoke our worth and what we won't tolerate and if what we expect isn't going to be there, we will take our abilities elsewhere. All it takes is more such persons to stand up in such way and companies will begin re-evaluating company policy; when they can no longer retain good help.
Get It?
by: Anonymous

surrounding ourselves only with those who support us, won't make us stronger. Religion is not God, Religion is the means to learn of God.

Once we have the lessons of our religion clear, are confirmed in the belief, we must go out into 'the world' and live that belief. (not the church doctrine verbatim) How one celebrates a holiday or doesn't celebrate holidays is not the issue) We live God. God being love. (some understand this is God in the flesh)His Spirit in my fleshly body.

It is an imperfect world made so by sin. The bully we meet is like us; except that they are as yet 'not over' something that occurred to them before they came across us. Something eating at them makes them 'edgy''shy' 'anger waiting for an excuse to get out' (like a simmering pot; they can't wait to blow off steam) (don't take it personally) Insecurity of the understanding God is going to make their lives ok; makes a bully.

Heaven (perfect job perfect life) is rarely a straight line. We get a call to do something but in an imperfect world we aren't going to be just handed reins to that perfect envisioned job. We have to prove ourselves worthy of the position. Be thankful when others 'persecute'...God is even closer to us to help.

The goal should be carry the cross that is part of living in an imperfect world, don't worry over 'how we will make it' (if doing it right, God's grace is sufficient to lead us) Trust God to show us how to zig and zag around 'the worldly
folk' / and don't be greedy; part of why God put us with such folk...was that we work with God regarding them. Pray that they indeed receive the same 'graces' we have. We were given the grace of knowing our wrong, asking forgiveness from God and then so that our impartial God can get thru to our 'tough one' (hard of heart) we pray to Him to enlighten them and also repent asking forgiveness. AND THAT'S WHY sometimes we have to endure 'a bully' / we have to learn what LOVE is really about.

Don't stay in a place if we are going to 'fall' from what we know, never become like a bully. But in each bully incident; properly handled we become more astute and stronger in the ways of GO(O)D. THE CROSS is our treasure; properly understood.

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