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What Every Target of Workplace Bullying Needs to Know
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The Administrators Don't REALLY Want To Help Stop Bullying


(Massachusetts)

My 17 yo daughter has been very upset for a few weeks about a girl at school that she says is mean to her. She recently told me she cant take it anymore and therefore she has decided not to go to her senior prom. I tried to talk with her and advise her about this for a few weeks. But, nothing I have suggested seems to be something she is willing to try. She cries almost every day about this.

So, today, I went to her school and spoke to the administrator and a guidance counselor. My daughter was very upset that I did this and she lied to them and told them she isn't going to the prom because of other reasons unrelated to the bullying girl. The guidance counselor and the administrator were pretty much advocating for doing nothing because that is what my daughter wants. With my daughter sitting in the room, I told them how upset she has been about this, and that my daughter is lying to them because she is afraid of what this girl will do. Yet, they still advocated for doing nothing because my daughter doesn't want to pursue it.

I was so disappointed that they were not more proactive about addressing this problem. I am furious that they want to sweep this under the rug. And that is as upsetting as the fact that my daughter is even going through this. I just don't know what to do.

Comments for The Administrators Don't REALLY Want To Help Stop Bullying

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I can relate to your daughter.
by: susan

Something similar happened to me when I was a kid. In my youth group at church, of all places, I was targeted for bullying by some mean girls, then they got the boys in on it, which then became a living hell. At a church retreat I was physically and sexually harassed by the boys. It was humiliating and terrifying. I remember how they all laughed.
When i got home,I was so upset I told my parents, even though I normally did not tell them such things. Sure enough, being the concerned and responsible parents they were, they were outraged and went to the pastor of the church demanding that the boys be punished. I was called in to tell the pastor and his assisstant every nasty and sexual thing those boys had said and done. I wouldn't do it. The situation was already too out of control. I knew that the retaliation from the whole group of kids would be hell. The pressure from my folks and the pastor was hell, too. But my fear of those kids was greater, so I stone-walled and kept my mouth shut, already deeply regretting that I ever told my folks. I knew they loved me and were trying to protect me and help me, but I knew that they could not protect me from retalitation from those kids.
Thankfully we moved away from there. (Not because of that). I can't stand church to this day and won't go.
Sometimes you have to do it yourself
by: Anonymous

I recently read The Bully in ME by MG Villesca. It was one of the first books that I?ve read that is written through the point of view of the bully. It made me angry but it was great for my students.

As a teacher who constantly deals with bullying in the school, I had to do something. This books comes with discussion questions and a website with worksheets that go along with the book. A great find.

We have implemented bully projects at our school because a parent finally spoke up. Sometimes, parents have to become involved in order to make a change. Teachers can do a lot don't get me wrong and sometimes I can see where people think Admin doesn't do anything but parents have to take on the responsibility to educate their kids as well as others on that subject. it helps when you have a parent support group. Don't wait for something bad to happen in order to make a change. Look the book up - it's a great resource and its research based. It also opens the doors to discussion which is something that is important for that age group. This book is for 7-12 grades. If you don't like the book find another one but do something.
Taking control of the schools actions
by: Holly Beck author of REVENGE OF THE DORKOIDS, bully discussion book

It all comes down to accountability. You have to make the school accountable. This is not as hard to do as you may think. I learned this when dealing with my daughters bullying.

This push must come from you or the school will become liable to the bully. They have to show that they are not persecuting the bully.

It is about a paper trail. Your school administrators had no business using a minor's opinion to dictate what they would do. Get a professional psychologist or psychiatrist on record. Your daughter is the child. They are paid professionals. Make them act like it or call their fitness for their jobs into question. The above professionals may also know what your school is required by law to do to protect your child.

Keep a diary of everything.
Go prepaired. Take a letter to your meetings with the school. 2 copies. One for them one for you. Have them sign it. You can write on it things you agree on. This creates a denser paper trail.

Write your concerns down in detail with episodes. Mail this to the school, district office, Superintendent, the state board and the local school board. Many times these letters must be kept and filed. If needed send mail registered. Again paper trail. Do this everytime you have an episode, or concern, or they do not do what they promised. When they promise to do something write it up and have them sign it.

If they say they cant do anything, or can't expel a student for bullying then ask them what they can do. If they don't know go up the ladder and find out.
If they are still unwilling to take action ask what would need to happen to your child for them to take action. If they offer to have your child escorted insist this be done by a school employee, not a student. This is not a good answer but it will become inconvenient and expensive. Document this.

Suggest that that money be better spent on training.

In meetings ask to record the meeting. Get a signature of permission or that they denied permission.

In short create a file of how they addressed the problem or failed to protect your child. Your child has a right to a safe environment. If the school does not provide this you may have grounds to make them pay for private schooling.

Good luck.

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