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What Every Target of Workplace Bullying Needs to Know
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Ex Boyfriend Nightmare

by Arlene
(Cleveland, USA)

I dated a man for 5 years. We had a good relationship. I worked hard to treat him well and he worked hard to treat me well. Four years into the relationship he got hired at the company I work for and he suddenly changed. He was angry all of the time and one day it was apparent to both of us it was time to break up.

He has since then made several decisions which are a complete surprize to me. He has decided to have a sex change operation and is bullying me by saying he will have me fired for sexual harassment because he now has the paranoid idea that I am talking about him all of the time.

We broke up 10 years ago. I am just your average middle aged plump older woman. I am happy in a new relationship (really it is a quite a longstanding relationship) and I am just not doing anything of the kind. I quite honestly have more positive things to talk about in my life and prefer to dwell on these things rather than the unexplainable past.

I like my job but I keep getting emails where he accuses me of speaking to all sorts of people and talking about him. Most of the people he refers to are not even people I know. He says sly mean and threatening things to me at work and I get a lot of hang up phone calls at home from blocked phone numbers.

I had no idea he was unhappy with his sexuality when we dated. How can I stop this form of bullying?

I want to keep my job with the company I work for and that is why his actions are so effective. He wants me to be unhappy and fear him/her. I think that if either of us filed an official complaint the company would probably just fire us both because that is just the kind of company they are.

Sex change operations are not very common and although I do not allow anyone to speak to me about him or his latest surgeries or look I cannot stop others from gossiping about him.

Somehow I am trapped in something that really doesn't have anything to do with me.

Do you have any advice for me?

Comments for Ex Boyfriend Nightmare

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I'm so sorry you're going through this.
by: Mother of an Angel

Your ex sounds like such a terribly unhappy person. From my perspective, it looks as if he knows for certain that people are going to talk and gossip about him/her. You and I pretty much know that too. I'm getting the feeling that he needs to blame you for that so that he doesn't have to face the fact that he gave everyone something to gossip about. I'm sure that this is difficult for him/her. But he/she DID make the decision to go ahead with this regardless of the talk that it would cause.

It isn't at all fair that he/she is doing this to you. But, it might help a little bit to understand it.

I'm a little worried though. It's bad now, but how bad might it become as people begin to treat him/her differently, perhaps get caught gossiping. I know you want to stay at your job, but this might be a good time to look around a little bit. Maybe he's doing you a favor. Maybe there is something much better out there for you.
STOP TARGETING THE TARGET!
by: Anonymous

I always feel sad when I read suggestions that tell the targeted person to make changes, quit their jobs, move away, etc. in order to solve their bullying attacks.

When are we as a nation going to wake up and ask the bullies to make the changes? Why should good, innocent, well meaning people sacrifice their lives, their dreams, their hopes, their jobs, etc., just to accomodate yet one more bully??

Obviously, the confused gay/straight man needs professional help to sort out who he/she wants to be. Asking the targeted person to change jobs and move away only compounds and inconveniences her life. Yes, she might find something better. And too the bully might find healing and something better if someone confronts him and gets him out of her life. Let him be the one who is inconvenienced.

We have coddled and pampered bullies far too long. They can get away with horrible behaviors because we give up and give in to their insane demands.

Don't try to do it alone except as a last resort. Rather, gather a small support group to confront him about his behaviors, and the bully will wither.
Sorry to hear all that
by: Anonymous

First of all you shall move your living place somewhere where he cannot know where you live, second - chenge your email address, your phone number, whatever detail he might know. Report him as well to police for harrasing and bring the case to the curt if needed (at this stage it aplies for stalking and harrasing). He shall receive a court decision.

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