Bullying Has Left Scars

When the bullying was happening at work I made excuses for the person that was doing it and I allowed myself to believe that it was my fault, that I need to be tougher and beat myself up about it everyday for a year and a half. I was too embarrassed to admit to my family and friends that this was happening to me and to be honest, never used the word bullying because I didn't actually believe at the time that that's what was happening, one day this person was my friend and the next this person was talking down to me, saying things that would upset me, excluding me from conversations etc and it got to the point where I thought I was just imagining it all, I thought it was all in my mind.

This person also had the friendship (although she was calling this person behind their back too) of the manager in charge so I literally felt as though I had nobody to turn to. Looking back at it now I think this person knew exactly how they were making me feel because every time I would leave the room or be talking to someone in the company who had the power to stop it (upper managerial) they would question me about what I'd been saying as soon as I walked back into the room. They were so on edge that I would say something (even though I never did) that they were paranoid and on edge.

I started having panic attacks on the journey to work, I wouldn't sleep at night or keep waking and checking the clock all the time knowing that I had to go back and tread on eggshells. Shortly before leaving I went to my doctor and he gave me a medical certificate and signed me off work with stress. The upper management wanted to know why but I was so scared of it reaching my manager and the person in question that I said there was a lot of tension in the room and I couldn't handle it anymore. Whilst I was away, the colleague and her friend spun a right story to upper management and made me look like the bully.

There was a meeting, I went alone (big mistake) and I knew from the minute I walked into the room that they had both been saying untruthful things about me, I said then and there that I would come back but if the tension and problems continued then I would leave, upper management even tried saying that everyone's stressed and we all just need to get on with it, at that point I just wanted to cry and tell everything but I didn't.

I returned to work but they made it very clear that they didn't want me there so I resigned from the job and now I'm in therapy but to be honest it's not helping, I'm feeling anxiety and guilt everyday and I replay what happened over and over in my head replacing the things I said or the fact I just walked away with things I should have said at the time. I don't go out and I'm scared of getting a new job in case it happens again. I feel let down by the upper management because I believe they knew exactly who the problem was but never did anything to resolve it, I feel angry that I'm the one going to therapy and having flashbacks when they're getting on with their lives. The damage done by psychological bullying and harassment is horrendous and it leaves scars. I'm no longer the confident person I was and I don't feel competent enough to even get another job.

Being Bullied at Work? What Every Target of Workplace Bullying Needs to Know