Bullied Again! Powerless And Tired

by Cathy
(Ontario)

About 7 years ago my boss turned on me. She gave me work to do but not the tools to do it. She took every opportunity to put me down in front of my co-workers.

My fellow team members were also intimidated by her treatment of me and I became isolated and depressed. I dreaded going in to work. She would give me something to do, tell me how she wanted it done and then in front of everyone tell me I shouldn't have done it at all. Or, she would change her mind about the procedure of something and not tell me until I had completed the work, making it seem like it was my fault I did it "wrong". Lately, she has given me outright wrong information, changed procedure directly affecting my work and not informed me and given me several sets of conflicting instructions.

Always she would tell me I was wrong no matter how I answered a question. I was not allowed to speak with members of my team or other people in the greater office.

I am a long-time employee with a good work record. I have a degree, my boss does not.

It was clear to me that my boss was intimidated by me. I tried everything to let her know that she had no reason to be intimidated.

New people in my department often left after 6 months. HR wanted to know why such a big turnover. Some of my co-workers told me that they could see that she was intimidated by me and said that "she knows she would be lost without you." I have been with the company for 29 years and yes, I know a lot. But I never presume to tell anyone how something should be done, I always tell them to go to my boss.

Eventually 7 people approached me and offered to go to HR on my behalf because most of them were formerly from my department and had experienced the same treatment as me.

My doctor put me on stress leave, HR had a talk with me. When I returned to work, my boss appeared to have changed. But it was all just below the surface. Now, a few years later, we are slipping into the same place we were. I am 57 years old, suffering from physical limitations and diabetes. I feel that my health has been and will be severely compromised if I let this continue.

I am not in a position to look for another job. I have 29 years with my employer.

But I am very tired of all this. I don't want to give in to it, but I just need to catch a break. Sometimes I get so angry I want to sue!

I have decided to forgive my boss for her ignorance. But I won't forget. I need to stand up for myself, but I need to do it in a controlled, non-emotional way. So I will keep records and proof. Compile a file of occurrences.

I will try to confront it head on - by saying " I don't understand your statement, please explain." or, I would appreciate it if you would not chastise me in front of my co-workers.

But I think this will be so hard to do. I don't know if I will be able. I just want to go to work in a congenial atmosphere and do my job and go home.

Instead I am demeaned and belittled, isolated and discouraged. Sometimes I think "If I died, I wouldn't have to deal with this any more."

I know I would never kill myself. But that's just how depressed I feel these days.

Powerless and depressed to illness.

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